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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

From Huffington Post: Symptoms of Divorce

The Symptoms Of Divorce

By Benjamin Berkley, Es.
"You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she."
Once a year I see my doctor for an annual physical. Fortunately, the examination has always been routine because I have not had any medical problems. Regardless, my doctor always asks me a series of questions, such as do I have any chest discomfort or difficulty breathing, any digestion problems, have I gained or lost any weight, or do I have any difficulty with urination. Since I turned 50, the number of questions has increased. But regardless, a doctor is a diagnostician and he is looking for any symptoms that might lead to a diagnosis of a medical condition.
Of course, your doctor is often dependent upon you to tell him of any concerns that you may have. He will have a difficult time discovering an issue on his own without some clues from you.
Likewise, unless you are General Patreus and running the CIA, in a typical marriage, no one knows you better than your spouse. Of course we each have our own individuality. But a wife knows her husband's favorite sweatshirt that he won't throw out no matter what just like a husband knows her favorite restaurant.
Likewise, when a spouse begins to act differently than his normal pattern of behavior, this may be the beginning of very subtle symptoms of a problem. And like the common cold, the sneezing and runny nose may go away after a few days. But a symptom that persists and is left untreated rarely correct itself. To illustrate, a spouse who was always there to pick the kids up after soccer practice on his way home but is now working late every evening is sending a warning sign of a problem. This symptom, if left untreated, could spell problems for the marriage.
In conducting interviews with clients, I have listened to the "symptoms" often given for why one spouse wanted to leave the marriage. The following were the most common:
  • "We were spending less and less time together."
  • "My life felt unfulfilled, there was so much more I wanted to do."
  • "I was feeling depressed or uptight when going home, or not looking forward to going home."
  • "We were having less fun when we were together, and time together has become more serious."
  • "He was very bossy and always had to be right."
  • "My opinion meant nothing!"
  • "He had a drinking problem before we married which only got worse."
  • "He paid attention to everyone but me."
  • "As the years passed, it was evident that we wanted different things and had different needs so we grew further apart."
  • "She became emotionally and sexually involved with someone else."
  • "She was spending more money on "frivolous" unnecessary things and not caring to save for the future."
  • "His worked consumed him and there was no time left for me."
  • "Our marriage was never the same after we had kids."
  • "When we were arguing, we were verbally attacking each other rather than really listening to each other."
  • "I felt put down or taken for granted, or I was doing that to my spouse."
  • "There were increased periods of silence between me and my spouse."
  • "I had less and less sexual desire."
  • "We never seemed to have the money to do things we needed to do."
  • "I was making judgments alone or misreading what my spouse wanted to do."
  • "I was losing my own identity as an individual"
  • "I became confused about where we were going and often talked about 'I' not 'We.'"
When questioned further, many clients were able to offer specific signs or symptoms that something was different or changing in their relationship. Too often, when these symptoms are not addressed or left untreated, they result in irreparable harm to the marriage. As a result, divorce often becomes the only solution. But had these symptoms been recognized earlier, and treated, a marriage may have been saved.
If you or your spouse have any of the above symptoms, it is wise to seek treatment now.


Anonymous said...

The article about divorce symptoms looks nice, as a divorce attorney i always used to advice my clients to think twice before getting into it. As it makes our job more professional.
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Bill Shields said...

Now, divorce lawyers aren't recommending for all married couples to get a divorce, are they? Even though it gives them money? I don't really want to get married just to get divorced, I'd rather just have a few one night stands and get on to the next partner. -Surrey B.C.

Jackson Tremaine said...

My lawyer at McKinley Irvin advised me to do the same. He cautioned me repeatedly about divorce, suggesting my wife and I try counseling--again. I was so impressed by his intention to preserve my marriage, I almost didn't go through with it. Unfortunately, my wife and I were well beyond emotionally disconnected and were leading separate lives (with other people). Anybody else have a lawyer who encouraged them to try harder at their marriage?

Anonymous said...

Divorces can cause emotional and financial strain. It is important to reduce the impact of the difficulties involved with divorce as much as possible. One of the ways this can be accomplished is by attempting to work constructively with the other party to reach agreeable solutions in divorce matters. An uncontested divorce is often a quicker and less expensive proposition than a contested divorce. If you want to move through the family law system harmoniously, without a detrimental effect to you or your loved ones, you need the help of a divorce lawyer who will work to protect your interests. Every divorce is different, as are the needs of the individuals involved. There is no "one-size-fits-all" method of helping someone navigate divorce proceedings.

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Elliot Heidelberger said...

Divorce takes place When you are not emotionally or physically satisfied from your partner.Some problems can be sort out over discussion but when things get more and more worse then divorce is the only option. In this situation a divorce lawyer helps a lot. I really liked your separation points. Thanks for sharing. Divorce Attorney in Chicago

Richard Wright said...

Great article. Most people seem to be less educated on this subject when it comes to divorce lawyers. In Calgary, its a requisite part of higher education to have one pre-law-related class.

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Lorens Vasili said...

Great post, thank you very much for sharing. Smart married couples recognize those symptoms beforehand. It ables them hadle any issue and sometimes even prevent divorce. click here

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There is no "one-size-fits-all" method of helping someone navigate divorce proceedings.
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Tom Hardy said...

Unfortunately my sister is going through a divorce and is looking for a child custody attorney in Newport Beach, CA, Mark and her are honestly perfect for each other but they both are consumed by work and never have time to be together as a family with their son. It's a sad process.

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Anonymous said...

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Samantha Lopez said...

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Anonymous said...

These are really symptoms of Divorce. We all have to consider these tips which are not going to happened in anyone’s life. Divorce Lawyer comes with a counseling part for the couple and makes them understand the situation and even then the couple doesn’t want to understand and make the marriage split, he ensures to give freedom to his clients.

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David Cohen said...

Common problem among couples are communication, expectations or sexual dissatisfaction, sedentary lifestyle, hypertension and busy schedule due to all issues from both spouses.
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Meschino said...

A person never thinks that he/she will face the situation of Divorce but situation makes then to go with divorce. Divorce is that last step a couple takes when they don’t have any option to leave together. But think if for divorce also you need to run to court so many times and you get frustrated of that. Of course we don't want that.
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Aaron Andrew said...

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Emily Merrell said...

I am not divorced, but my older brother is. It really makes me feel bad to see all of the sadness that it has caused his family. It was a really emotional time of his life, and would have been so much harder without help from a divorce attorney.
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Dolores Brown said...

I agree, having a third party divorce attorney make the process go a lot smoother. It can get messy with deciding who gets what, and the poor children. I really don't like seeing kids with separated parents, it just makes me so sad. http://www.leighannbauer.com/practice_areas.html

Deanna Jones said...

There are issues in a marriage that should be worked out, but sometimes, it's necessary to get a divorce. There are certain issues that can't be worked out in a marriage. If a couple is filing for divorce, it seems really important for both parties to hire lawyers to help mediate the divorce process.